Runner-Up to the Bronze
by wixley-kryptonese
Summary: 511. "Listen, I love you and all, but can you please stop hiding all the good junk food on the top shelves where I can't see them?" AU – ft. Laura/Clint Barton, Cooper, Lila & Nathaniel


_511\. "Listen, I love you and all, but can you please stop hiding all the good junk food on the top shelves where I can't see them?" AU –_ ft. Laura/Clint Barton, + Cooper, Lila  & Nathaniel

* * *

"Clinton Francis Barton!"

Lila giggled as Clint blinked, looking over to the kitchen where his wife was screaming.

"Uh, I think your mom wants me, kiddo," pushing himself up, Clint walked over to where his wife was standing by the open pantry.

"What did I do?" He asked upon seeing her expression. Her lip wobbled, and Nathanial on her hip started to chew her hair. "Oh, sweetheart." He came over, taking Nathaniel and placing him in the high-chair, strapping him in tightly before wrapping his arms around her. "Laura, what's the matter darling?"

She looked over to the pantry, eyes glistening. "I just wanted a peanut butter brownie, but you've hidden them somewhere on the top shelf."

"Because they're _awesome_ , sweetheart," he replied soothingly, slightly worried that his wife was crying over food, of all things. That only happened when she was pregnant. "What's this all about, honey?"

"I don't know!" She suddenly glared at him, hitting him on the chest, pushing him away angrily. "Get the brownies down!"

"Sure, sure," okay, there was something wrong with his wife. Going into the pantry, he reached up with ease, taking down the brownies that his wife couldn't reach or see due to her smaller stature. Why she didn't get the step, he didn't know – it was right outside. "Here you go." He handed her the Tupperware container which he had admittedly hidden so Lila couldn't see them and poach them – she was especially adept at climbing the pantry shelves, but only did it when she could see her target. That was one of Aunt Natasha's lessons that he did actually appreciate, despite how it gave Lila good practice in risking her life for food.

Laura, of course, didn't particularly care about their daughter's climbing skills. Provided she didn't use her skills to go down into the well where Clint kept his stash of explosives and heavy-duty artillery, Lila could climb anywhere she wanted. Though she did seem to like her lack of curiosity in this situation – by the time Clint decided to intervene, she'd eaten four peanut butter brownies.

"Okay, I think that's enough for you," he took the box away, shutting it and not budging as she tried to take them back. "Laura. What is the matter?"

Laura swallowed, opening her mouth to reply – only for Cooper to let out a loud warbling yell as the ceiling of the pantry caved in, bringing him with it, wearing a makeshift harness. Clint and Laura's heads whipped around as the boy hung there, surrounded by wood-dust, a rusted engine beneath him.

"Uh…I have an explanation?"

"You'd better, Cooper Nicholas Barton!" Laura stepped forwards, looking up through the hole, Clint following and raising an eyebrow at the line. "What were you _doing?_ "

"I was trying to swing about while I practiced with my bow, and I was up in the air holding the engine – it was tied up too, on the other end – but when I dropped it, the rope snapped and it went right through the floor!"

"Good thing you had a safety knot above the original tie then," Clint observed, seeing how it was the only reason why Cooper wasn't a splat on the floor. "You should have just asked – I've got a proper one set up in the barn." Laura hit him on the chest. "What?" He asked her, before falling silent as she stepped forwards, reaching up to turn Cooper slowly in the air, checking him for injuries as she chastised him.

Then Clint stood up straighter, eyes zooming in as her shirt lifted up high. _Laura Evangeline Barton nee Carter, you naughty girl, not telling me you were pregnant again. I would be waiting on you hand and foot –_ _ **again**_ _._ He leant against the doorway wall, watching her look over their son, as it sunk in. _Again. She's pregnant_ _ **again**_ _._ She would have told him if she knew. But if she _didn't_ know…

Clint swallowed, thinking of when she was pregnant with Lila, and he asked her if she had any plans for what they were going to do with a second kid, and she had her…politely wording it, 'meltdown', when she realised that she was having another baby when Cooper was barely starting preschool, and he had used up half his holiday time. Having another baby _now_ , when he literally only had one more month of holiday time saved up that he planned to use _in the next month_?

 _I'm going to die._


End file.
